I have the unbelievable privilege to report that I have received the highest honor that can be bestowed by my home state, the Commonwealth of Kentucky. I am now a Kentucky Colonel. Yes, I can in fact put “Col. J.C. Hutchins” on my business cards.
While you need not hail from the Bluegrass State to receive this supercool distinction (and true honor), I suspect most Kentuckians grow up hearing about the Colonels and maybe — in their secret hearts — quietly hope they might someday become a Colonel themselves. I certainly know I did. The title is an honorary one (it’s the best deal ever — it requires no duties, and carries no pay or compensation other than membership in the Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels), but is absolutely awesome.
How did this come to pass? Thank Jack Staples (left), a fan of my fiction. Jack secretly nominated me for this honor, which apparently survived the vetting process and was presented to Governor Steve Beshear for consideration. (Only Colonels can nominate others for commission; Jack himself is a Colonel.) Today, I received a package containing an 11″x17″ certificate signed by Beshear and Secretary of State Trey Grayson. Also included was a hand-written note from Jack:
While no one can speak for the Governor as to why he writes a commission, I can tell you why I nominated you. It was for your selfless dedication to the people around you as you rose in the ranks of podcasting, as well as your contributions to the field of podcasting.
As I told Jack, I’m absolutely humbled that he believed anything I’ve done in the New Media space warranted such attention. The fact that this potboiler-writing (and pot-bellied!) wordherder was approved further stupefies me. 
According to a document that accompanied the certificate, Kentucky Colonels are “Kentucky’s ambassadors of goodwill and fellowship around the world.” This is very cool, but it’s got me wondering: Does this mean I have to behave myself?
Unbelievably, I’m now in the company of Colonels such as Johnny Depp, Muhammed Ali, Elvis Presley, Winston Churchill, Whoopi Goldberg, Tiger Woods, Betty White, Babe Ruth and Pope John Paul II. I take greatest pleasure in knowing I have the same honorary Colonel-dom bestowed to Harland Sanders (the KFC colonel) and Tom Parker (“The Colonel,” Elvis Presley’s manager).
Personally, I’m hoping someone cooks up a fan-created “Novelist Version” of the Clue board game, if only so someone out there can someday say: “Colonel Hutchins in the Library with the Revolver!”
In all sincerity, I’m absolutely honored to be a Kentucky Colonel, and am especially grateful to Jack Staples for finding me worthy of nomination.
Call me Colonel,
–J.C.
That is very cool and awesome JC. Congratulations! I definitely agree with Jack that you have helped many others out in the podcasting community, myself included.
Now, what is your first command Sahr?
@Michell: Heee! My first order: “Be excellent to each other.” My second: “Party on, dudes!”
How about a podiobook version of Clue? Col JC Hutchins, Professor Scott Sigler, Sir Patrick McLean, Ms. Mur Lafferty, etc. That would have some promise. =)
As one Kentuckian to another, congrats!
Wow. I had no idea such was possible.
Congratulations.
Col Hutch,
Thank you for being you. I still owe that beer when you come through Chattanooga!
Also, Col Walter Geurard sends his congratulations.
That’s awesome.
Ha! Congratulations Colonel!
Congratulations, J.C.!
You have a high standard to live up to. The one Kentucky Colonel I knew was the Rev. Dr. Arie D. Bestebreurtje (yes, he was European–evidence that one need not be a native-born Kentuckian): a WW2 hero, my former pastor, and one of the finest men I’ve ever known.
As a Cincinnatian, I can attest to the fact that this honor is the single greatest thing EVAR. Seriously. No rank is higher, no honor greater. Good Lord, now all the money and all the womans and all the fame belongs to you, and you command armies. ARMIES. OF BOURBON-INFUSED HILL-BERSERKERS.
You win.
@Cmar: I don’t do it for the money or the fame. I do it for the womans.
I thought you were joking at first, you have proved this simple-minded actor wrong.
….. Now I want money, fame *and* womans.
Congratulations JC!
Congrats.
You forgot Steven Fry in your list. Actor. Comedian. Writer. Ex-con. Documentary Host. Gay man. Television Quiz Master. And I believe: Athiest. …possibly the antithesis of the archetype planter’s hat-wearing, mint-julep-drinking (, chicken frying?) old Southern fellow sitting on his front porch, looking out over a vast expanse of blue grass, potificating about the good ole days, in a style slightly reminiscent of Foghorn Leghorn.
@Scott: The list was hardly comprehensive. Further: A great many Kentucky Colonels are the antithesis of the stereotype you describe.